What? Do my homework instead of posting on this blog? Back, you scurvy knaves and demons of my mind! My homework shall remain undone while I write down various quotes heard a) in my classrooms, from various professors; b) from random students across campus, and c) my blithely innocent young roommates. Hee hee.
FIRST, THE PROFESSORS. Ah, the almighty power of the PhD.
In religion class:
You have to read your scriptures on your anniversary, and the Song of Solomon is a great warm-up act.
Why do you all freak out every time I talk about sex? It's like you're in high school or something. Don't freak out about things I get to do that you don't. Ha! If you're not married, go get married. It's good stuff.
In a different and much better religion class:
Mormonism is the ultimate sci-fi religion.
In African lit class:
Say a cheetah sees an antelope. The antelope's not too thrilled. But say the cheetah says, heeeeeeeey everybody! An antelope!! Suddenly you've got thousands of people on your case, and you're not too happy.
In African geography:
Rwanda is like...so we're here in Utah, we're doing okay, but California's doing really bad. They have no health care, their governor has machine guns for hands. So they come over and kill us all. Yeah, it's like that.
VARIOUS STUDENTS HAVE SAID THESE WORDS WITHIN MY HEARING RANGE:
I'm writing, like, twenty missionaries. One gets home soon. I, like, *screams* CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!
You should totally see The Princess and the frog. It's like not Victorian, or like all medieval like Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast. It's, like, modern.
Bridgett is /always/ nice to kiss.
FROM VARIOUS ROOMMATES, INCLUDING AND NOT LIMITED TO MYSELF.
That's a huge carrot! I bet it's name is...Caldwell.
Thomas, we do not name our carrots. We just eat them.
You're a laxative waiting to happen?
THE END.
