In which Twilight ruins more lives.

So when I was at Borders today, I discovered that Twilight appears to have hijacked the love of my life, namely young adult fiction. Because there were 123098123098 new young adult series and they were all about VAMPIRES. And worst of all to meet my gaze was this monstrosity, the sight of which triggered my gag reflex and made me want to vomit all over the mothers of five who were traipsing around the bookstore with their small children in tow ACTUALLY WANTING TO BUY WUTHERING HEIGHTS JUST BECAUSE IT HAS NOW BEEN ENDORSED BY BELLA AND EDWARD.

Hey guess what?

THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR. NEITHER IS READING TWILIGHT, YOU CREEPY SEX-STARVED MORMON WOMEN. Yeah, I just said that. Sorry. But hey you know what else? EDWARD CULLEN IS NOT A REAL PERSON, AND IF HE WERE A REAL PERSON, HE WOULD BE A SERIAL RAPIST.

Thus, in order to rid myself of the terror of thinking that everyone now thinks that romance = abusive creepy paranoid sparkly stalker + hot vampire sex (? wtf) and/or the EVEN MORE DISTURBING ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS of Wuthering Heights, which, spoilers, are NOT romantic but rather encompass physical, emotional, and sexual abuse (mm except for Catherine and Hareton...so cute <3)...I can't remember where that sentence was going. But so anyway. So I went and found my favorite romantic lines about healthy romantic relationships from books that are neither Twilight nor Wuthering Heights (which novel, by the way, I adore, except for all the parts with Heathcliff, who is terrible and who I hate hate hate. I am just saying.), and this reassured me that humanity can actually potentially maybe have meaningful relationships, in spite of this most terrible portrait of humanity/my local bookstore.

"Please remember me," said Dorothea, repressing a rising sob.
"Why should you say that?" said Will, with irritation. "As if I were not in danger of forgetting everything else."

-Middlemarch. Aww.

This whole poem is just the greatest thing, but especially this part:

They were talking about fishing,
then one changed the subject,
and, I swear, they began talking about you.

heart/Billy Collins.

Also, from my absolute most favorite book of all time:

She said, "Who am I, that you should love me?"
"You are My Queen," said Eugenides. She sat perfectly still, looking at him without moving as his words dropped like water into dry earth.
"Do you believe me?" he asked.
"Yes," she answered.
"Do you love me?"
"Yes."
"I love you."
And she believed him.

-The Queen of Attolia.
GREATEST CHILDREN'S BOOK EVERY WRITTEN HOLY CRAAAAAAPPP.

And, of course, where would we be without the estimable Jane Austen? Answer: nowhere. Or weeping softly somewhere in the darkness, alone and sad and unable to convey our emotions with words. Sad. Day.

"I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look will be enough to decide whether I enter your father's house this evening, or never."

-PERSUASION, which by the way is the greatest Jane Austen novel mmhmm you know it's true.

And also, if you want something more epic than friggin sparkly vampires in your epic romance, then you should be made aware of my favorite thing ever written by Tolkien, which is the story of Beren and Luthien in the Silmarillion, BECAUSE IT IS SO GREAT.

Also favorite Shakespeare sonnet of my life thus far:

Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Yes it is a good one. Plus, it brings us this lovely scene from my favorite Jane Austen film adaptation (even if the Persuasion adaptation is actually better...), because anything Emma Thompson touches = wonderful. Why would you need brooding emo vampires/Heathcliff when you can have brooding emo Sense and Sensibility? Yes it is better this way yes.

OH THE HUMANITY. Okay now go listen to this song because it's actually cute except for the groovy fan video but hey whatevs aww the end. And now that's pretty much all I got, so I'll go back to reading this lovely book and try to forget that Twilight ever happened.